At camp, we spend a lot of time getting to know each other around the campfire, at meals, and while walking around camp. Many campers who were strangers to each other when they arrived at camp report feeling even closer to the cabin mates they’ve only known for a few weeks than they feel to school friends they’ve known for years. Why is that? One of the reasons is that they’ve had a lot of time to talk with each other. All those conversations help campers build strong friendships.
The best conversations involve asking each other good questions, listening well, and then asking follow up questions to keep the momentum going.
Before we talk about more about what kinds of questions to ask, I have a question for you.
What do people most like to talk about?
You may think the answer is something very specific – like sports or a favorite video game or TV show. It’s likely that when I asked that question you thought about what you most like to talk about. It’s true that people really enjoy talking about things they’re interested in. And what they’re most interested in are hobbies and things they enjoy most. People like to talk about themselves, so the best questions to ask to get to know someone better are questions that give them the opportunity to share their interests and stories.
When you ask good questions, it not only helps you get to know your friend better, but it also makes them like you more and want to spend more time with you.
Kids (and adults) who master question-asking, listening, and follow-up are well-liked because they give people the opportunity to share about themselves.
Since asking good questions is the entry point for building friendships wherever you are and whatever your age, it’s an excellent friendship skill to practice and improve.
How to Ask Good Questions
When you’re going into a new situation where you’ll be talking with people you’ve just met or if you’re wanting to build closer friendships with kids you already know, take a few minutes to brainstorm a few good questions you might ask that are appropriate to the setting.
If you’re at school and it’s recess or lunch, you might ask about their interests, favorite foods (perhaps spurred by something you see them snacking on), their family, or how they spend their time after school.
If you get nervous talking with people you don’t know, practice asking questions with your parent, older sibling, or another trusted adult before you go into the new setting. Get their feedback about which questions they enjoyed most.
Campers last summer brainstormed a lot of fun questions to ask friends. You can check out the list here if you want some question ideas!
Question Asking Tips
Once you’ve figured out a few good questions to ask, here are a few important tips:
After you’ve asked the question, listen carefully to the answer without interrupting. If you’re excited or agree with the person, nodding your head and smiling let’s them know you’re “with them” and interested.
Sometimes, their answer gives you the opportunity to ask follow up questions.
For example, you might have first asked,
“Do you like to play any sports?”
And they answer, “No, but I really enjoy music.”
You could ask, “Do you play an instrument or sing?”
And so on.
By listening to their response to your original question, you’ll have a path for figuring out more questions to ask.
If you’re chatting again another day, you can circle back and ask how their piano practice is going or what song they’re learning to play.
Showing your friend that you care about what they care about is a great way to build your friendship, so asking good questions and listening well not only helps you get to know your friend better but will also help you know what to ask them more about later.
Is there someone you’d like to get to know better? Think about a good question you can ask to get to know them better and ask the question next time you’re with them!
Below are 50 questions that our 2019 campers brainstormed. Click here for a printable version!
- If you could have 5 things come out of your fingers what would they be?
- If you could travel back in time, when and where would you go?
- If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?
- What is your favorite sport?
- What is your favorite drink?
- What is your favorite kind of haircut?
- What mythical creature do you want as a pet?
- What are 3 adjectives your friends would use to describe you?
- What do you do in your free time?
- What kind of music do you like?
- What song represents you as a person?
- If you could be anyone for a day who would you be?
- Do you prefer chewy or crunchy cookies?
- What is your favorite chapstick flavor?
- What is your favorite time of year?
- What do you like to learn about?
- What is your favorite ice cream topping?
- How old are you?
- Where are you from?
- What is your favorite holiday?
- If you could paint your room any crazy color what would it be?
- What school do you go to?
- If you were an ice cream flavor, what would you be?
- What’s your dream job?
- What is your favorite topping on pizza?
- How many languages do you speak?
- Do you have siblings?
- Do you have pets?
- What’s your favorite dipping sauce?
- If you were a shape what shape would you be?
- If you were an animal what would you be?
- What is your favorite room in your house?
- What is your favorite day of the week?
- What is your favorite utensil (spoon, fork, spork)?
- When is the last time you wore something silly on purpose?
- If you could be placed in a fictional book/film/comic/etc…what would it be?
- Where have you traveled?
- What do you look for in a friend?
- When was a time that you felt brave?
- Where do you see yourself in 15 years?
- What is your ideal sandwich?
- What is your favorite hobby?
- What is on your bucket list?
- What are you passionate about?
- Who inspires you?
- What are your strengths?
- What is your favorite color?
- What makes you happy?
- What is your favorite candy?
- What’s your favorite breakfast?
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